Saturday, February 22, 2014

Big Changes..

WOW! So many things have happened over the past several months, I don't even know where to start.

After several months of being SO depressed about certain things going on in my life, I finally decided enough was enough. No more worrying about things I can't control, no more feeding into the bullshit that my family has to offer. JUST NO MORE. I refuse to be unhappy about things anymore that quite frankly, I have nothing to do with and am unable to change. I can thank my awesome brother for helping me with that. One day, as I was venting to him and crying about how I just can't handle certain things, he stopped me in mid sentence and said the following, "I know it really hurts, and I'm not saying you're wrong for how you feel, but anytime you feel this way over something such as this, say this to yourself. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." It perfectly summed up my situation, and after I got off the phone I said it to myself as I was driving home, and I immediately felt relief. A boulder was lifted off of my shoulders and I felt so much lighter, like the burden I was carrying was taken from me by God. Which brings me to my next subject..

Lately I've been feeling more spiritual. I find myself talking to God on a daily basis, and thanking him everyday for what I have, rather than being upset for the things going wrong or having a headache. I am in no way a perfect person, and I think that I was held back from believing for a long time, because of the view that society gave me. Everyone around me acts like you have to be perfect to be a Christian, which I am in no way, at all. I've finally realized that you don't have to be perfect to be accepted by God. Talk about an awesome epiphany. I've never felt more free in my entire life. I wish I had the ability to have weekends off, or at least work later on Sundays, so I can go to church. I'll have to stick with praying and praising at home, which I'm not ashamed to admit to anyone. THANK YOU, GOD FOR ALL YOU HAVE ALLOWED ME TO HAVE!

I was recently promoted as a department manager. Working 8-5 every day that I work has been awesome. I love coming home and being able to cook dinner and spend time with my family, rather than eating dinner at work and missing putting my boys to bed. I'm no longer tired every day that I wake up, I feel refreshed. I have more patience, and am overall just so much happier and loving every minute of being less stressed. Which is actually funny, because I know absolutely nothing about being a floor associate, or anything that goes with it. (Well, I didn't. I know now, because I started a week ago.) I'm almost afraid to say that life is going GREAT, because something negative usually happens right after I say that. Being promoted has allowed me, for once in my life, to not have a headache every waking moment. I don't get yelled at all the time for things that are out of my control, I'm not responsible for EVERYTHING. Only my department. And I've gotten numerous compliments about how good it looks so far. YES! 

I've talked for over 2 years about how I'd like to get a tattoo. And I've never actually acted on it. Well I can finally say that in April, with some of my tax return money, I am going to get not one, but two tattoos. I have thought them both out, and am happy with what I've come up with. I just need someone to draw them up for me, and I've gotten several recommendations from people. Only time will tell..

1 comment:

  1. I finally started using my blog again (well, I posted yesterday... and intend to get back into posting), and decided to come over and check on you! :)

    I am in the same boat with the God/religion thing. I find that so many people who claim to be Christians are so hypocritical and judgmental. I don't discuss my beliefs much because people always decide to tell me I'm wrong, that I'm bad for not going to church, that I don't believe strongly enough or act on it in the right way. I believe what I believe, and I talk to God more often than a lot of people probably do. I am so beyond the "you have to go to church" or "you have to be perfect" notions of religion. It's just frustrating when you realize there is no possible way to live up to it. I feel better with the realization that God still loves me.

    Also, I've said it several times, but I am so incredibly happy for you and your spot as a department manager! So much less stress, right?! Well. A different kind of stress. But being a CSM in that store was enough to drive even the best of us out of our damn minds!